I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
