the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
