When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
