There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize