she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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