Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize