Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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