i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
