is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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