Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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