I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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