Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
