If that was your dad, he is hot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
