Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
