I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
