i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if only i could text you this smell
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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