I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
