Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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