Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i love accidental penises.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
