do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize