There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Randomize
