question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
