You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
