Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
