how can u be prego again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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