i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
