I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
