I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
