I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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