We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize