my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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