Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize