She's JV to your varsity
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
