I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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