He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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