like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
