let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
