i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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