Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize