Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and she was petting her beer can
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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