I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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