So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
