You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
