I just pynch a tree in the face
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
