I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You ruined the universe
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize