This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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