my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
