You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
