I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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