I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
