I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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