woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
