Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
