Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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