I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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