I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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