the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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