i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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