nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize