Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
