I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
