she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
