every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
