you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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