I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
