Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
