Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
