Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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