she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
