sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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