omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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