when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
